Cindy Lou Who sings this contemplative line in her sweet childlike soprano in the iconic Christmas movie The Grinch. I will admit, I opened my eyes this morning and looked around this hotel room that has been my home for the last several weeks and I was feeling a little melancholy mixed with a little smidge of Grinch. I scanned the room for any signs of Christmas. Aside from the adorable little 12-inch Christmas tree we were gifted, a surprisingly hardy Christmas cactus (also a gift), and a Charlie Brown Christmas card taped to the wardrobe door, Christmas was pretty scarce. (Sing)- Where are you Christmas?
I have scrolled through social media and seeing all the families gathered in celebration both warms my heart and stings a little. I have Christmas decorations that have been sitting unadmired through nearly the entire advent season. Christmas gifts are piled in my closet, some are wrapped, the majority are not. They were abandoned in haphazard fashion unadorned in the matching wrapping paper and massive glitter ribbons that my family loathes. Naked boxes and empty stockings… (Sing) Where are you Christmas?
Christmas is about joy and laughter and being with those you love. It shouldn’t be about cancer, surgery, and being far away from home. Kevin shouldn’t be getting Christmas dinner in the form of a nasty supplemental formula through a tube. I shouldn’t be eating chicken noodle soup out of a cup and feeling like a rat for eating anything at all. We shouldn’t be far away from our kids, family, friends and pups. We should be donning our fat pants and belly laughing around a table as we stuff ourselves with a Christmas feast. (Sing)- Where are you Christmas?
Life hasn’t brought me to this exact moment in time to lament in my perceived seasonal misfortune and wail along with Cindy Lou Who’s mournful sad-sack song of Christmas despair. Yeah, it sucks big fat moldy holiday fruitcakes that we are here for the Yuletide, but do not despair! The spirit of Christmas is alive and well. While we might not be celebrating in the traditional sense, we are surrounded by the true meaning of Christmas, every moment of every single day. (Sing)-Joy to the World.
Kevin has been FINALLY able to get some rest over the last couple of days and when I say this is a gift, it truly is a Christmas miracle. He has been immensely uncomfortable and despises the feeding tube and has been finding it extremely difficult to get comfortable enough to rest for any length of time. This sleep hurdle is one that has been HUGE for him to conquer. (Sing)-God Rest Ye Weary Giant Man.
We are now counting down the days to when we can return to the mundane magnificence of our ordinary life. I guess being propelled into a state of worry and chaos really makes one significantly grateful for the day-to-day simplicity of just being at home, healthy, and wrapped in a blanket of familiarity that provides such complete warmth, I often fail to acknowledge its persistent comfort, until I am standing without it in the shadow of uncertainty. (Sing)-I’ll Be Home for Christmas-if only in my DREAMS.
It is slow progress as Kevin starts to heal, but it is forward progress and that is what matters. He has appointments next week and we hope to be leaving Houston as soon as he finishes up with the doctors. We will have a short reprieve at home, before returning the first week in January. He is frustrated with the process and he REALLY wants a drink of water or something to eat. I have offered to give him a tiny drink of root beer or anything for that matter, if he would agree to just swish it around and spit it out. He said that would make it worse. I thought it was a reasonable compromise and honestly, if it was me I would have been totally taking him up on that offer of medical noncompliance. He has also decided that we should continue with the routine of me drying him off after his shower and dressing him, even after he recovers. He keeps forgetting that Santa is watching. (Sing)-He knows when you’ve been bad or good…
Christmas is about LOVE and we have been on the receiving end of an abundance of love. We feel it in every prayer, call, message, gift, card, text, and thought. We may be far away from home, but we are far from being alone. You all are with us in each moment of this journey. You are our Christmas angels. You have created a cocoon of love, hope and joy for us and your love shines brightly. When I couldn’t pray, you have prayed for us. When things were dark, you brought us sunshine. When faced with the impossible, you make it possible. When I thought Christmas was lost, you reminded me that it is in all of us, all the time. (Sing)-Angels We Have Heard on High.
Merry Christmas. My wish for you is that you drink in every moment, love with pure hearts, give without reservation, receive with graciousness, and hold each other for just a moment longer. I hope that you never have to ask the question, where are you Christmas and if you ever do, I hope you have someone to remind you that where there is love, there is Christmas.
Karri, yours and Kevin’s strength overwhelms me. Every time I feel a whine coming on, I think of you all. Hoping and praying that you get to return home soon. Praying every day